I like to play this game sometimes where I ask a friend for a character name, a situation, place, a plot point and a time limit to make up a story on the spot. This is phenomenal for car rides or just weirding people out. I wish this wasn't the first thing I've written in a long while, but deal with it. The suggested challenges for this story are: a cat named Izzy, an earthquake (totally forgot that one), the ocean floor, trying to save the mermaids that have sparkly hair. This story was composed in about three hours. This story was inspired by my good buddy and great designer Sasha Andersen. Enjoy!!
Izzy. She’s a cat believe it or not. I know that’s a totally a normal human name, but she is a white cat with some beautiful grey spots cascading her slim and beautiful fuzzy cat body, including one near her backend that looks exactly like a heart. She’s such a sweetie, dang…That is if I were into that sort of thing, but I am off topic already. IT’S ONLY THE FIRST PARAGRAPH!!!
One day while doing normal cat things like whining and annoying everyone, Izzy started to act a bit funny—almost like she knew something was wrong somewhere out in there the wide open world; but where exactly she did not know. Luckily we all know cats are built in with a 34th sense of locating things, which I promise you becomes a major plot point in the following story. But everything at home felt incredibly fine. Sure it’s like a million degrees outside, but other than that normal. Sleep, wake up, eat a bit, poop & repeat.
It’s hard to say when Izzy woke up that day with a feeling that something was wrong—especially since cats wake up about a thousand times a day; but it was clear that something was bugging her. But this story is far from about me, so now I will switch to a first person perspective, from a cat.
Chapter One: What The Heck Was That
I hear my big brother Andrew (human) saying some words I don’t really understand a lot. Fuck, shit, what the hell was that, where’s my snorkel at? It’s confusing—I know I’m a cat, I know my name and choose to ignore it most of the time because, honestly, I just can’t be bothered. I have so much to do on the day to day like licking myself clean, bugging my little sister Calie (cat), and rubbing all over sorts of legs.
But this day I just felt like something was weird. Andrew and mom were acting normal, Calie was laying on a suitcase like normal sleeping her lazy ass off, but I had a strange feeling in my gut. It was like a calling of some sort. I took a nap trying to forget about those odd thoughts, but I woke up, licked myself clean, had some kibble (yummies!) and took a poo, but I still couldn’t shake the feeling something was wrong somewhere.
What my family doesn’t know is that at night after I stop howling to make sure the house is safe, I head out through the poorly locked back and if I’m lucky some nights, the front door.
I found myself at about 2:30 AM not being able to fall asleep. It was that feeling I still had inside of me, the feeling that something somewhere was wrong and I didn’t know where. So naturally, I got into the secret cat meditation seating that we seldom show to humans and opened my mind to the strange feelings I had been feeling all day.
Chapter Two: What? Where? Who?
My yellow eyes opened up immediately as though I was having a vision. It was as though I was there in the moment, but somewhere I’ve never been before.
The environment had a particularly strange blue tint to it, and it was wet. I HATE WET. WET IS EVIL AND NEEDS TO GO AWAY FOREVER, but I digress. I was having a vision—a vision of people like creatures whom are wet that are in peril. So I dawned my secret night-time crime fighting cape and mask and headed out the back door to the porch and jumped up at the handle to open the door to the outside world and I followed the feeling.
It was at this point that the feeling started to manifest itself as word of some kind, but they were translated to cat (about time, right?).
“Izzy, thank you for your willingness. We are the merpeople of the Koi Pond out back. We know cats hate water, but if you jump in, we’ve set a spell that will allow you to breathe water, and at the bottom of the pond is a portal—a portal that will transport you to the ocean. See we are being plagued by an evil electric eel named Sparks. He is out to destroy us all, and we believe the only way we can survive is you.”
“Huh? Was that real,” Izzy exclaimed!
“Yes! This is Mermaster King Philip contacting you telepathically. Will you help us with our plight my dear Izzy? We need you, or we surely face peril.”
“OK. But just so you know, cats hate water.”
“I know, and I apologize for that. Just know you will be handsomely rewarded for your help. We know you can defeat Sparks with your catly skills.”
Chapter Three: In
Izzy headed down the steps to what she now considered the magical Koi Pond that has a secret portal to wherever the merpeople live in the ocean. Just walking down the stairs with the pace of a jaguar, Izzy was still feeling hesitant about plunging into a pond of water—especially with Koi Fish who’ve she’s heard Andrew speak of as being gigantic and bottom–feeders. This would be one of her most daring missions to date, but she could not find it in herself to let the merpeople down. She made her way to the bottom of the stairs and scampered over to the Koi Pond.
“Here I am. It is time to take one last breath and hope the merpeople are truly trustworthy and will give me something, whether it’s a scuba suit or gills to breathe beneath the blue.”
And with that last thought, Izzy took the most amazing plunge, jumping straight to the middle of the pond and immediately feeling suction pulling her beneath he surface of the water. Terrified she held her breath as long as possible, but eventually, around the time she reached the bottom of the pond, she gasped for air and found she could breathe. Somehow, probably some mermagic she had never encountered before allowed her to breathe normally without gills or some sort of scuba gear.
“Alright! This feels like the worst thing my fur has ever felt, but I can see fine and breathe the same as on land!”
But perhaps that thought came a second too soon, for there was no portal to the depths of the sea as Philip had guaranteed. It was then that Izzy felt something brush up against her left back leg.
Chapter Four: Fuck You You Fucking Fuck
It was a Koi, The King Koi. At the same moment Izzy felt the two other Koi brush against her leg, she heard Philip’s voice in her head again.
“We can’t open the portal until the Koi are either away or gone.”
“I’ve never fought Koi before!” exclaimed Izzy.
“Uhh, you’re a cat Izzy. Just eat them.”
“That is disgusting!” Izzy said in protest.
“You’re telling me you’ve never even had the tiniest bit of fish in your life before?”
“Yes you fucking fuck! I’m no cannibal!”
“First of all cannibals only eat their own kind, silly. I understand your hesitations as a first timer, but trust me cats were made to enjoy the taste of fish. We can not do this without you Izzy. We need you to get the portal clear of the Koi so we can get you here to deal with Sparks!”
“OK. I will give it a go.”
And in one bite of the King Koi brushing against her leg, something animalistic in Izzy surfaced. That taste, the juiciness, the feeling of ripping flesh apart with teeth felt like she’d nothing felt before. It felt good. Like a belly rub, but 1000X better. She liked it—loved it.
Izzy spent the next several minutes destroying and enjoying every Koi in that pond as they squealed for mercy; but no mercy would come for them tonight, only digestion.
After finishing off the last Koi, Izzy glanced to the bottom of the pond and saw a bright blue opening appear. She swam towards it with haste, and once reaching it, was transported to a foreign land, or in this case body of water.
Chapter Five: Merland
Philip had been waiting by the portal, waiting patiently as possible for the hero of this story to arrive. A smile grew across his face as he saw his shining white (no racism, she just happens to be mostly white) savior of he and his people.
“Welcome, Izzy, destroyer of the King Koi and opener of the portal. We express all courtesies and gratefulness for your help. As I’ve telepathically spoken to you from below, we have a major electric eel problem, whom goes by the name Sparks. He continues to torment our people, homes, and worst of all is making the DNA of our hair alter so it grows all sparkly and frizzy. Luckily, I have been able to avoid Sparks, but I fear my time is coming. Please, Izzy, what is your plan to save me and my brethren?”
“Uhhhh, to be honest I was so concerned with getting here I never really thought about it. Is there anything like an eel trap like there are for rodents above ground? Maybe we can grab it and tear it to pieces with rubber gloves on—I’ve heard from my family they protect you from electricity because Andrew is always watching the science channel—he’s such a nerd.”
“That very may well work. We have two solid plans,” Philip responded to Izzy’s half baked plans. “We cannot continue to be pestered by this eel whom is turning our children into sparkly hair freaks with one zap! I won’t stand for it anymore! Izzy, it’s time to get to business!”
Chapter Six: Plans
Starting to doubt what she had gotten herself into in Merland and with Philip and being the prophecized eel slayer, Izzy started to doubt her decisions and remembered she could be sleeping right now. But then she remembered that just like Batman, justice is best served at night for some odd reason. So she followed Philip, like a boss.
Philip and Izzy swam what felt like a lifetime to her but seemed like second nature to Philip (he is a merpeson and all…so duh).
“Where are we headed?” Izzy asked Philip.
“To our secret Anti–Sparks secret bunker; we’ve just finished it and plan to launch our final attack—you. You will meet many of our brethren, including my wife, Queen Ramona. I am sorry to say that Sparks got to her before I could evacuate her and is now plagued with sparkly hair. Such a shame. I hate myself for it.”
They swam together, Philip obviously going at a slower pace that Izzy could match when on the Ocean floor horizon, a glowing bubble appeared.
“We’re here!” exclaimed Philip! “That bubble is made of anti-electricity so Sparks cannot penetrate the walls. It is harmless to every other creature we program into out database, and cats were at the top of the list.”
As the two swam into the mysterious anti–electric bunker, Izzy started to question the motives of Philip. Why wouldn’t the launch a full out attack on Sparks instead of hiding away in this bunker? It seemed very suspicious to her, until she saw Queen Ramona’s hair.”
“Greetings, Izzy,” Ramona exclaimed as she hugged her husband. “We cannot tell you how much your presence here gives us hope against our enemy.”
“I just want to help in anyway I can,” Izzy responded. “Philip has been great, and it is an honor to meet you my queen. So let’s end this. I will swim outside of the bubble and face Sparks face to face, but I will need you and your troops to be ready to back me up.”
“We will be there with you!” the troops yelled from the background.
Izzy started to head out of the anti-electric protective bubble when Philip yelled “IZZY, IZZY, IZZY. SAVIOR OF THE MERPEOPLE!” Echoed by the entire squadron, Izzy had a sudden burst of confidence, and knew she could do this.
Chapter Seven: The Dark Cave
Adrenaline pumping, Izzy and her backup army swam towards the dark lands, the home of Sparks.
“Let me go in by myself first, and if I need back up I will let out my war cry meow!”
The army nodded in unison and halted their movement.
Izzy kept swimming forward until she came upon a cave with a strange glow emanating from it. She knew this had to be the resting place of Sparks, and there she vowed to make it the final resting place of Sparks.
She slowed her pace until she was almost doing that weird thing where you can totally see the cat but they’re still trying to sneak up on you. She was as quiet as could be, when all of a sudden…
“Who is there?” a deep and somewhat terrifying voice emanated from the cave. “Are you here to slay me great hero. Well let’s have at it. But first you should know that the merpeople you claim to be helping do not recognize my language like you do.”
“All I was intending to do with the merpeople is open a hair salon where my electric shocks produce a new and futuristic hairstyle. I meant them no harm, it’s just that was lost in the language barrier and I feel terrible which is why I’ve been hiding in this cave to escape their wrath. I vowed I wouldn’t hurt anyone, just give them the sassiest hair I possibly thought, and giving out free sample was not the way to do it. But you and I are animals, and they seem to understand you, so could you explain my plight to them before the army waiting outside the cave comes in to destroy me?”
“Uhhhhhh, that’s weird, like really fucking weird,” Izzy responded. “But I too relish the thought of destroying any creature that has positive intentions in its heart. Perhaps you could somehow give me a waterproof hair styling so I can return to them and explain what is going on.”
“Izzy, you are truly a god among cats. If this works, I will forever be in your debt.”
Chapter Eight: Sparks
“Will this hurt at all?” Izzy questioned Sparks before he was about to give her the static-shock-hairdo™.
“No, not at all! I keep the shock low enough in voltage that all it affects is the hair of the client. Are you ready?
“Yes. Let’s do this!
Izzy felt nothing but a slight tingle in the roots of her fur and gave Sparks a big smile. She looked in the mirror in front of them and giggled.
“You weren’t lying one bit!” Izzy said with a gigantic smile on her face. “I will assure the merpeople of the situation right now and everything will be phenomenal. I promise! I will be back as soon as I have spoken with the King and Queen.”
Swimming out of the cave with one of the craziest hairstyles a cat has ever had, Philip gasped right along with Ramona.
“Oh no, Sparks got her.”
“NO NO NO!" Izzy exclaimed! It’s not like that, I swear! I asked Sparks to do this to me to prove a point, plus you can push it out simply with a hair brush. Have you not tried that yet? Weirdos. All Sparks wants to do is open a hair salon for futuristic hairstyles for merpeople! This didn’t hurt one bit, and while I may look ridiculous, there is absolutely no need for violence. Sparks gave me this before I left his cave so I could prove to you he is of no harm to you and your people.”
She handed a brush to Ramona and told her to run it through her hair. The once frizzly haired with sparkles all over was instantly gone.
“The problem was that Sparks can’t communicate verbally with merpeople and was only trying to show off what his skills could do, honestly!” Izzy expelained.
“I don’t buy it!” Philip exclaimed.
Then from the back of the a nerdy looking scientist mermaid made his way to the King and Queen. “This is actually possible. As merpeople we are only able to communicate verbally and telepathically with some creatures, but I think I have a solution to that…”
Izzy returned to the surface through the portal just in time before he family or dumb sister recognized she had been gone. She shook the water from her fur, rolled around the carpet on the extra guest bathroom to get the extra water from her fur, then gave herself a well needed grooming. She slept all day the next day, not that’s different from normal :) But the family would continue on not knowing of Izzy’s nighttime adventures.
As for the merpeople and Sparks, once the scientist developed a ring for around the center of Sparks’ body that allowed him to make verbal contact with the merpopulation, everything turned peaceful between the electric eels and merpeople. Everything worked out for the best and the sparkly hair trend actually started to take off like a rocket in Merland, making Sparks one of the most sought after hair stylists in all of the oceans, seas, and Great Lakes. All is well.
Izzy continues to solve crimes and fight the terrors of the night when called upon, but is currently in Aruba for a well earned vacation. She left her family at home and has literally been sleeping in the sand the entire time. She couldn’t be happier.